No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize