don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
