don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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