About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize