I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
