Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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