Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
