AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
