I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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