doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
