the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
