You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
