all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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