I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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