opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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