It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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