I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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