Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
