Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
