why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
