Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
