If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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