Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
