If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
