First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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