Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
