and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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