This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
