Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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