Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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