She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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