We're facebook friends in real life
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You are the jesus of drinking
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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