Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
