Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm passing your future prison.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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