making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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