Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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