In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
