this just has baby written all over it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to make out with him forever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
