I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
