I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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