I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my sisters under your porch take her home
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
