I wish I could teleport
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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