Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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