He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i came on her dog
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
