Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
