My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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