I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
