so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Randomize
