Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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