we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
