Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
