Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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