You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
