i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
