big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
