Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
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I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!