weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.