Are we in a gay sports bar?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.