his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.