i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Boobs speak an international language.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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