when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You need a sexual gate keeper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When are your genitals available?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
