You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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