I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
