I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
