hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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