Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
