the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
