She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
