Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You can't special order awesome
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
