we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
