Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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