I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
