What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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