you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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