Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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